Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
