A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize