U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
