When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
