R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize