He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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