Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
