you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
