When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
