The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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