Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
