I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
