I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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