I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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