Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
