It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
