I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
