There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
