Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
