No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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