I have surprise drugs for everyone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
