Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
