During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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