are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
