I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
