Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
