Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
