Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we're so committed to being not committed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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