So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
