I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
