Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
