At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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