Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
