OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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