sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
