sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
