i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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