There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize