I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
