remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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