I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
