It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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