Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
