I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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