Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that's an acceptable place to lick
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
