When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
