how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize