The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
