I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Come back. Shots need mouths.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
