In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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