Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
