Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
