the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am one with the molecules
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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