Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
