I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
