Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
