there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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