cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
