Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
