Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Come on in and take your pants off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
