wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
