Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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