doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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