he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
