My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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