you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
