More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
