he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
